Black Plastic

The Temperly for Target thumbnails are up, and aside from the fact that most of the looks are an exercise in banality, I'm loving the gamine-chic vibe of these cropped pants, and the swanky, swing coat-line of this sweater/belt combination. Alas, I'm not too excited for the rest of the collection, which seems to consist of drab babydoll dresses, strangely cut skirts, and one black and white printed sweater that is a total assault on the senses.



But perhaps even more dissappointing is the Devi Kroell for Target collection. Kroell's sumptuous accessories are reliant on exotic, expensive, beautiful materials. Without those resources, these simple shapes and colors just fall flat. They're made of cheap plastic, and they look like it. I love Kroell's main line, but this diffusion collection is really bland.

Spirit They've Vanished

Alright, so I like a lot of the clothes from Dior Resort '08. Even if they're not exactly something I'd wear, I appreciate the vibrance and silhouettes, and the fact that most of them are very chic while managing to be lurid and mildly ostentatious. However, this...

...happens to veer a little too far into the "Elizabeth Taylor on LSD runs into my 75-year-old step-grandmother in a bar and the two hit it off and decide to go to a party in her Florida retirement community and this is what Liz suggests for her to wear" territory. That said, I think the cut of the coat is fantastic. Alas, if I saw anyone, anywhere, at any time, wearing this whole ensemble together, I would have to fight very hard resist the urge to light fire to their hair.

Accidents

Alright Rachel, we need to have a talk. I'm a fan, in general, of your trendy-ladylike tilt on things and your delectably feminine line, but this outfit is just a little too much. Seperately, all the pieces work. The Prada turban is glamorous and just a little creepy, which I love. The Lanvin trench is classic and dominatrix-worthy. The Roger Vivier shoes are flashy without being overbearing, but perhaps veer into old lady territory. The intense bracelet and leopard clutch are maybe a little hackneyed, but still fine. However, when you put it all together, the outfit just begs for attention, and not in a good Marc Jacobs SS07 way. It's more of an "I'm a desperate aging actress who is losing her grip on reality" way. All the components are competing for attention, and instead of looking chic and risk-taking, it looks stupid. I'm not mad, Rachel, I'm just dissappointed.
Photo cred: style.com

Another Wasted Night

Christina, I know you're trying to go for the whole "old Hollywood-classic-sexy" look, but this just...isn't right. The see-through dress could work on its own, were it not worn on top of a painfully bland Victoria's Secret bra. If you're going to show your lingerie, at least make sure it's hot. The pantyhose do you no good either -- they just increase the poorly done showy-and-fake factor of the whole outfit. You cannot pull off carrying a briefcase for the life of you, it just looks costume-y. The hip-slung belt makes your hips veer into bovine-like territory, and it's very cheap looking. And don't even get me started on the porn star makeup or miles of cotton enveloping your neck. It's not a pretty sight. Basically my dear, you try too hard.

Going Missing

Note to Anna Dello Russo:

That is how you wear Christopher Kane.

Not like this. The slouch and copious amounts of jewelry do you no good.

100 Degrees

CSM grad Louise Gray must really like Chris Kane, but really, someone needs to tell her the truth...




...these clothes aren't good enough to be worn by the janitor who cleans the floors of TopShop after the masses tear into the store for Kane's collection there, which is pretty weak anyway.

You Don't Send Me

Je n'aime pas...
Matthew Williamson's bulky shapes and distastefully bright colors.




The ugly alpaca outfits and tacky prints at Marc Jacobs.



Abaete's redonkulous vinyl outfits.



Max Azria's unflattering layers and dated colors.

The Boy Done Wrong Again

Dear Sienna,
We've all had our ups and downs with you. Mostly downs. Back in the boho era, you were queen of prarie skirts and gilets, and you rocked them out, even though sometimes you looked like a Romanian gypsy, and eventually it became really played out. Then you started to think that you actually were Edie Sedgwick, instead of just playing her in a poorly directed movie featuring terrible acting and costume design. For a brief moment it was cool, but you went a little overboard with it, wearing ugly clothes, becoming too much of a trend whore, and frankly, a little creepy. Recently, you've seemed to clean up a little, going medieval-chic in Marchesa for the Golden Globes, or sporting simple, breezy dresses. No matter what, you've almost always had interesting outfits, and quite the style evolution, and aside from the fact that you're only famous in the USA for fucking Jude Law and having some semblance of a sense of style, I (sort of) respect you for that.
Alas, what I'm about to show you is unacceptable. Not only are you wearing a fur shirt, and not only are you wearing no pants, and instead just extremely strange briefs, and not only are your shoes completely passé, but most importantly, this is a regression. Yes, I realize that you were at a party for the Factory Girl movie, but isn't this all a little last year? I honestly thought that you had moved on, to greener pastures. The tights, the fuzzy shirt, the ankle boots, the no-pants look...it's just so bizarre. Also, your jacket is fur-lined, and it's extremely tasteless to wear more than one fur piece in most situations, particularly when you're in Los Angeles. Really, what made you think that this looked good?
(picture from Faded Youth)
Please seek counseling with Emmanuelle Alt.
Love, Eliza

Stupid Memory

I have very mixed yet familiar feelings about Chanel Couture SS07. Karl churned out the regular mix of henious or innocuous suits, pretty-yet-conventional frocks, and the occasional gorgeous gown that he does for every single Chanel couture and ready to wear show, every single season, in the same general color palate of blacks and whites. Sure, he does a few variations on the theme, like how last couture show, he was really into beadazzling and those disgusting denim boots. This time, he worked the feathers and fringe angle. Did it work?
Sometimes, it was alright, as evidenced in this cocktail dress. Of course it's not amazing or new, and on the wrong person it'll look like the zombie cannibal twin of a bad flapper Halloween costume, but worn correctly, it's fine and flattering.


Many times, this feather and fringe motif was...well...ill-fitting and matronly, with a touch of dementia. Just look at the following picture and ask yourself, "Who would buy this? Who would pay more than $10,000 for a gown from one of the most famed couturiers in the world, wear it with tights and earrings the size of vulture eggs, and think, 'This looks good. This was worth my money.'?" Because really, this is a shapeless grey sack that Karl had shredded, stuck some embroidery on it, and slapped a jacket from the Chanel archives circa 1987 over it. Ridiculous.


Or take this dress. Without those feather-blobs on it, it could be sort of a cool dress that Irina Lazareanu would sport in W as part of some androgony spread shot by Michael Thompson, and I'd see it and think "Alright. Pretty nice." However, with the feather-blobs on, it seems like Bobbi Wiens was innocently shooting a Badgley Mishka ad, and then Edgar Allen Poe, under the influence of ecstasy, stripped, forced her to put on his overcoat and belt, and then pushed her into a flock of rabid ravens.


But then occasionally, there was some good. This dress that Anouck is wearing works because the somber navy and the classic cut balance out the insane feather shoulders and the glitter, um, everywhere. It's definitely a fairy tale dress, and you have to carry yourself the right way in it, but I like. It's pretty and girly and utterly magical.


The epitome of my mixed feelings for Chanel came in the form of the finale. The cape. What can be said about the cape? Part of me loves it because it's so over the top, but a larger part of me hates it because it's a too-easy way to get attention. It's not beautiful, it doesn't look like it took that much work (in the grand scheme of couture-making), and it's just some random frilly item that reminds me of a christening outfit. It seems like it's a way to classify the show as couture, because since basically everything in this show could have been in a ready-to-wear show, having this one statement piece, this one over-the-top garment, makes it couture.
Aside from that, the dress underneath the cape was beautiful. It could have been more body-conscious, but it was sleek, minimal, and beautiful, and I really appreciate that Karl didn't take the fringe to the extreme in this piece, just leaving it around the shins, giving it a mermaid look.


Pictures from style.com

Recreation Myth

Dearest Pierre,
Okay Pierre, I love you. I always have, and I always will. But, that does not mean that since you have my unconditional love, you can just slack off and copy other people's shoe designs. That's not okay. That's not why I love you. Sigerson Morrison has been putting glass balls and stones on their shoes since 2005 at the latest, and you cannot just waltz into Barney's and steal their ideas. It's not cool. It doesn't mean that your SS07 collection wasn't good, because it was, especially those divine handbags, but please, show some creativity! You are the man who makes thigh-high boots with plastic discs at the ankles, and fantastic moon-maiden sandals. You are not the man who copies others, especially those who are beneath you. It's like me cheating off...well, anyone...in school. Psh.
Yours forever, E.
Sigerson Morrison

VS. Pierre Hardy


SM

VS. PH

Pictures from Pierrehardy.com, zappos.com, and style.com

Six Demon Bag

Accessories are by far my favorite genre of clothing. The variety, the interest, the quality, the practicality combined with the luxury! However, many of the new handbags coming out are making me gag.

Take Marc Jacob's "Irina" bag, for example. Named after a hot, stylish it-girl, it should be a gorgeous, streamlined bag with a rock and roll edge. However, we have a vomit-hued, too-yellow, shade of brown leather, with hard and unattractive quilting, a random and purposeless zipper, and worst of all, "MARC JACOBS" emblazoned in studs right across the main part of the bag. Disgusting. Studs are quite passé, and although I understand the attractions and implications of label whoredom, this is just too much ugly. It's available at Saks, for $950, should you want it.

Next up is Versace's "Madonna," which is almost so bad it's good. Almost. I love white, I love metallics, I love the shape, but I do not love this purse. Studs are repeat-offending, while the abundance of buckles and the meaningless pull tab look ridiculous. The combination of white and silver with high gloss gold hardware is tacky this late into the metallic trend. The fact that this bag costs over $1500 with tax (at Saks), and it's mainly fabric (not even leather!) just adds to my resentment.

Finally, we have Fendi's "Squirrel Denim Spy" bag. This is what happens when a bag becomes too popular. What was originally a good design (the unconventional shape, high-quality leathers, intricate weaving, and hidden compartments), has been bastardized into something that Britney Spears would have worn, circa 2002, just because people want to make more money. Well, if you find someone who thinks that the Spy is still the latest it-bag, embroidery is still hot, and denim is a great material for a $3090 bag, they can find it at Saks.